Life, Miscellaneous Ramblings

Why do some decisions suck?!

So as you already know, my family and I are packing up and leaving Kentucky to head back home to Illinois. We have had a wonderful 6 years here. We have celebrated every wedding anniversary we’ve ever had here, we bought our first home here, we welcomed our first child here. And in all this time I never considered it “home.”

But now that it’s time to leave … I find myself wondering if we’re making the right decision. Maybe it’s more “home” than I realized. And I’m having a really hard time with it.

When my husband first accepted his new job I was over the moon. I was finally getting what I had wanted for the past 6 years … a chance to go home. Then the reality set in. And we put our house on the market. Went searching for a new home in our new town. Found a new home, put in an offer and close on Dec. 5th. Sold our home and close here on Nov. 25th.

It’s real. It’s happening. And I’m heartbroken. And I shouldn’t be. Because this move is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to us. Ten years down the road we will look back fondly on our time in Paducah, but will know that we made the right decision. So why does it hurt so much right now?! Why?

Our families and friends are ecstatic that we’re coming back home. But both my husband and I are struggling with our decision. Was it too rash? Did he make the right choice for the right reason? I can’t help but think he didn’t. 

You see, there’s more to the whole story. I’m expecting baby #2. I’m due in May of 2015. And I KNOW that my pregnancy had a lot to do with my husband’s decision. Financially it’s a better deal. Realistically, we’re closer to family. We will have pretty easy access to a ton of babysitters. Something that we haven’t had here in Paducah.

So I have tremendous guilt that my husband is making this change because of my pregnancy. And I don’t want him to hate his new job. He likes his current job, he loves his coworkers. And his new job is completely different. He is a civil engineer. He worked hard to get his degree and then worked his tail off and studied for the Professional Engineering test and became a PE. That’s something that he wanted since the day I met him when we were 17. It’s what he always wanted. And now he’s leaving engineering, and probably for good. I mean how many people can truly say that they are working in their chosen field, actually utilizing their college degree for what it was meant for? (I know I sure can’t).

He has asked me numerous times in the past week or so if I was sure this was what I wanted. And I finally owned up to it and said that I truly didn’t know. I know it was a crushing blow to him. Because I know that he made this choice for me, thinking it was what I wanted and would make me happy. Which is exactly why I’m not happy about it .. because he’s doing it for me, not for him. And that is exactly what I had hoped to avoid.

All I can tell him is that sometimes decisions suck, but we have to be confident that when we look back on things, years from now, we will know that this decision, while the hardest, most gut-wrenching one of our lives, was the right one.

It just sucks right now.

4/5, AUTHOR, Author Debut, Book Review, Fiction, M, RATING, Read in 2014, READING CHALLENGES 2014, Review Book, TLC Book Tours

2014.45 REVIEW – Angel Killer by Andrew Mayne

Angel Killer
by Andrew Mayne

Copyright: 2012, 2014
Pages: 353
Rating: 4/5
Read: Sept. 29 – Oct. 10, 2014
Challenge: RIP IX
Yearly count: 45
Format: Print
Source: TLC Book Tour
Series: Jessica Blackwood # 1

Angel KillerBlurb: FBI agent Jessica Blackwood believes she’s left her complicated life as a gifted magician behind her . . . until a killer with seemingly supernatural powers puts her talents to the ultimate test.

A hacker who identifies himself only as “Warlock” brings down the FBI’s website and posts a code in its place that leads to a Michigan cemetery, where a dead girl is discovered rising from the ground . . . as if she tried to crawl out of her own grave.

Born into a dynasty of illusionists, Jessica Blackwood is destined to become its next star—until she turns her back on her troubled family to begin a new life in law enforcement. But FBI consultant Dr. Jeffrey Ailes’s discovery of an old magic magazine will turn Jessica’s world upside down. Faced with a crime that appears beyond explanation, Ailes has nothing to lose—and everything to gain—by taking a chance on an agent raised in a world devoted to achieving the seemingly impossible.

The body in the cemetery is only the first in the Warlock’s series of dark miracles. Thrust into the media spotlight, with time ticking away until the next crime, can Jessica confront her past to stop a depraved killer? If she can’t, she may become his next victim.

Review: I received a copy of this book for free in conjunction with a TLC Book tour, all opinions expressed below are my own.

I accepted this book for review with the reservation that I am not generally into magic. It just stretches my boundaries of what is believable. But there was something about the description that really drew me in … probably just the FBI aspect, to be honest.

Either way, I am so glad that I was given the opportunity to try this book. It worked. Really, really well, in my opinion. I found myself flying through the pages. There were a lot of twists and turns throughout the book that kept me guessing until the very end – and I never did have things figured out!

Jessica is a great character, but her self-doubting trait kind of got a little irritating at times. I like a little more confidence personally. And Damian – what a character! I don’t really know what else to say about that…

Overall, I definitely think this is the great start of a new series that I think will attract a very wide audience … magic lovers, mystery lovers, it’s just an all-around good book that I would definitely recommend!

Andrew MayneAbout the author: Andrew Mayne is the star of A&E’s magic reality show Don’t Trust Andrew Mayne, and has worked for David Copperfield, Penn & Teller, and David Blaine. He lives in Los Angeles.

Connect with him through his website, Facebook or follow him on Twitter.

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 Purchase Links

Amazon | IndieBound | Barnes & Noble

Other tour stops:

Tuesday, September 23rd: Always With a Book

Wednesday, September 24th: Living in the Kitchen with Puppies

Thursday, September 25th: Priscilla and Her Books

Thursday, September 25th: Mysteries and My Musings – spotlight

Thursday, September 25th: Why Girls Are Weird

Monday, September 29th: From the TBR Pile

Monday, September 29th: Mysteries and My Musings – review

Wednesday, October 1st: The Road to Here

Friday, October 3rd: Not in Jersey

Monday, October 6th: BoundbyWords

Tuesday, October 7th: Ace and Hoser Blook

Wednesday, October 8th: Book Loving Hippo

Thursday, October 9th: Open Book Society

Monday, October 13th: Tales of a Book Addict

Tuesday, October 14th: No More Grumpy Bookseller

Wednesday, October 15th: Hezzi-D’s Books and Cooks

Wednesday, October 15th: A Bookworm’s World

Thursday, October 16th: Book Marks the Spot

Friday, October 17th: Girl Lost in a Book

Friday, October 24th: A Dream Within a Dream